Doug's Daily Meditation

IT'S SLUTTY SPRING SATURDAY
Thanks for the great title, Melisa

Every year, at least when I'm back east, like I am now, that's the east coast: I grew up in California, there is always this week.  There are always a couple of days when I simply can't wake up.  I just sleep.  Not me, as a rule, not my nature.  Then I wake up and I'm so horny, I can't even see the crocuses.  I kind of hate Spring.  

But I'm really glad I didn't go out and get drunk last night, like many of you reading this did.  I'm really glad I didn't spend my last few hundred bucks on a bunch of girls who were only looking for free drinks.  Maybe more.  Who knows.  You didn't get any.  Go back to bed and get up Sunday.  Get some Xanax.  Sleep for 20 hours.  Then, a really great cup of coffee.  

Go downtown, Rittenhouse Square, good choice.  Everyone will be cruising.  The girls will be chatty.  You won't have to buy them drinks.  Look for the signs of attraction: they might pretend they're looking around for someone, maybe brush your hand with theirs.  They might say, "God, you're SO funny!"  Don't be afraid if they look serious at first or act a little stand-offish.  Some girls do that, and they want you to crack the shell.  Don't get all shy.  Maybe say something super simple, like, "Hi, I'm Doug."  Or Paul, whatever your name is.  Don't pretend to be me.  She just might give you a big smile and say, "I was wondering if you'd ever say something!"  After a couple of minutes, suggest something like, "Hey, let's go get a coffee.".  Have your tablet or computer.  Show her what a genius you are.  If you're into math, don't bore her, just give her the broad strokes, and how this new equation is going to make travel to new Earths possible.  

Maybe she's a scientist, like my friend Bonnie.  Maybe she knows how pheromones talk with each other.  Ask her to show you how it all works, how hers are maybe talking with yours right now, and wonder why that makes you want to kiss her.  "What's up with that?" you might ask.  Hopefully she'll lean in and say, "Let's find out."  Tell her you love science experiments. Science girls all like science experiments.  Bonnie's married (not to me, but to a wonderful guy by all accounts), but there will be lots of single ladies on Rittenhouse Square.  Pretty girls.  Smart girls who go to Drexel, or Penn, maybe the Academy or Temple.  They will be there Sunday too.  Probably more will be there on Saturday, warmer, nicer day, but if you're feeling crummy, wait 'til Sunday.  You want to look good.  Not great, but casual.  Loose.  Like it's Spring, or something.  Like you don't care.  For once, maybe you don't.  It's just a great day.

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