Today will have to be Sunday Funnies. Remember that this is from a man's point of view: women get something like 80% more messages than men on most personal sites. When I bothered to dabble in that world, it was my experience that men had to try much, much harder to get responses. If you weren't GQ good-looking like me, it's possible you might never get a reply, no matter how interesting you are.
ONLINE PERSONAL ADS. ALWAYS A GOOD LAUGH.
Hm. Slow
evening. I don’t do the internet dating
thing anymore, but I think I’ll have a look, just for laughs.
“Not
looking for anything serious, so if you just want to hang out, go dancing, I love fine restauraunts, sent me an
email.”
I’m pretty
sure that means an expensive evening with no second date in view.
OK, next ad.
“I
LOVE life!! Easygoing, happy. Make me laugh! Laughter a must!
Personal
Motto: Carpe Diem!”
Next.
Click.
I
like the outdoors, the beach, sports (you bet! I’ll watch football with you
Sundays).
Like to party, go to the beach, anything outdoors. I love to
Laugh! Love the beach!
Click.
Easygoing,
honesty is very important to me. I love
to laugh. Laughter is a
Must! Like to ski, snowboard, travel, going out,
fine dining.
Blah blah
blah. Who wrote these things? Maybe there’s a little book you can get with
ubiquitous personal ads in them.
Who’s
paying for all the above activities? And
what’s up with the honesty thing anyway?
Everyone thinks they’re honest, or at least if they've lied they at least believe they had a good reason for it, or else they’re a sociopath. No body’s going to look at an ad that demands
the prospective date be honest and think, “Well! That sure cuts me out of the
picture. Good thing she mentioned she was looking for someone honest. God only knows what would have happened when
she found out what a fucking liar I am!”
And
laughter. Jesus H. ….. We all like to laugh, right? If someone is funny to us, they just are; if
they’re not, they’re not. We all hope
someone finds us funny and that we find them funny, but you never
know. Once again, who would think,
“She’s gonna hate me, I’m such a bore and all.”
If this man exists, his ad might
read, “Dour, humorless man seeks same.
Dislike job and people in general, but mostly only women, so don’t be
shy.” I don’t think so.
So, we’re
really weeding out the phonies here, aren't we girls? Actually, if someone has been chronically
attracted to dishonest and unfunny people in the past, they will probably
continue to be so. Telling a date
he must be honest is like…. Nothing I can think of. It’s just stupid. Honesty and humor are experiential; they are not products. Telling someone they
have to make you laugh is like telling someone they’d better make you cum four
times the first time you have sex – it might give him a touch of performance
anxiety. It just might.
I’d say, if
someone wanted to scare off the honest men and make potentially funny ones
hyper-self-conscious, keep writing those adds that insist on “honesty” and that
someone “make you laugh”.
Next time I’ll
talk about people who say they want someone with “No baggage.”
